The Perks Of Loving Poppy
by R. Gatz
Summary: Quinn, a shy young freshman, is taken under the wing of two bold, outgoing seniors, Adrian and Poppy. Quinn falls in love with Poppy's boisterous confidence, but soon discovers Poppy's true self. This is not a plagiarism of the original Perks, it is more of a homage to it. This is a fanfic about what it's like to be young and in love.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Friend,

Hi. My name is Quinn. I'm fourteen, and I'm writing to you because he said you listen and care and I really need someone like you in this time in my life.

Tomorrow, I'm out of the psych ward and into a new school for a new start. It should be like a blast of fresh air- refreshing. It's not.

I'm really, really scared.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Friend,

School was bad. St. Malcolm's High is weird. The kids dress all punk and spunk, and look at me funny because I wear the uniform and that I don't decorate it with Magic Marker or anything. The kids don't talk to me much. The only ones who did were the kids in the Counselling Group, which I have to go to every second lunch break because of my history in the psych ward. There aren't too many in the Counselling Group. There's Abraham Doltz, this really fat guy who cries a lot about his mom. He's almost as screwed up as me. At the end of every session his face is pink and blotchy. Then there's this girl called Poppy. She says nothing. She's a punk. Her hair's dyed pink and green, and she has lots of emo band badges on her blazer. She cuts, like me, but she doesn't hide it. She rolls up her sleeves so everyone can see the scars on her arms and the slits on her wrists. People stare but they say nothing. And then there's me. I only have cuts on my stomach and back so no-one sees my cuts. My mom fights with my dad too much but they're putting on a happy facade because I'm back from the psych ward so I can't complain. Our teacher is Miss Ortese and she likes to talk about "feelings" as if we need to learn them, like languages. Miss Ortese is Asian and very skinny but not very young. She says we should let our emotions out, like they're caged or something. We don't. Well, Abraham Doltz does. Miss Ortese spends her days mopping up after Abraham Doltz' tears, and telling Poppy and me to clean up our feelings ourselves. I don't like the Counselling Group much.

Most of my other classes swing by. Maths is bad. Ditto for Biology. And Geography. And nearly everything else. Apart from Music. My music teacher is called Mr Goudy, pronounced "Goody". Some of the girls behind me call him "Goodyballs", but he just laughs it off. Mr Goudy is tall and pale. He wears suits, the tweedy kind, which are hideous. He's very nice, and encourages us to try any instrument we like, but it's clear he loves guitar. I love it too. He finds me funny when I'm being honest, which makes me feel good. He says I've got potential with the guitar, which makes me feel really good. Even when everyone was calling me weird, he looked at them. Not angrily. He just looked at them. And they shut up.

"You're very good at guitar, Quinn. Did your dad teach you?"

"No."

"Mom?"

"My mom's never taught me anything."

He chuckled.

"Miss Ortese tells me you've had some experience in the psychiatric ward. Are you finding it hard to make friends?"

"Well, you could call them friends. We're all playing a game where they ignore me."

He chuckled again.

"Well, if you make one friend today, you're doing OK."

"You don't seem the type who likes to talk about nail polish and boybands, sir."

He chuckled.

School still sucked, though. Some girl with braces called Jenny kicked my lunchbox halfway across the canteen at lunchtime, and called me a freak, and everyone laughed. I had good reason to sit on my own.

When I got home, Mom and Dad were having a discreet argument that I couldn't follow- it was about some guy called Bob. Neither said hi or how was your day or anything, so I just did my homework and here I am, writing to you.

This school is not a new start. It is not my resurrection. It is my burial.


	3. Chapter 3

**September 5th, 1991**

Dear Friend,

It's a Saturday. I think you might want to know more about my family, so ta-dah!

**Mom **loves dressing like Molly Ringwald. She always worries about Dad if he hasn't come home yet and it's past six in the evening. She doesn't act worried when he comes home, though.

**Dad** likes it when Mom shuts up and likes to watch ice-hockey. He doesn't like it when I don't talk, but he doesn't like it if I do.

That's it. I have lots of aunts and uncles on my mom's side, but we only see them at Christmas or Thanksgiving because they don't like Dad and Dad doesn't like them and we don't see my dad's family any more because my dad got into a fight with his brother. I miss Uncle Steven, my mom's brother. When it was Christmas, he would always get me the biggest present and it would always be something pretty, like an extravagant Barbie Doll. But he had a heart attack when I was nine. On my ninth birthday, to be exact, which was April Fool's Day. What a great prank.

I try not to cry about him.

Remember Poppy, in the Counselling Group? Yeah, well I met her at the school football game. I was alone, and had simply gone there because Mom and Dad were arguing and weren't bothered if I left. So I told them where I was going, and headed for the benches.

I like watching people. Not creepily, no. I like watching them, figuring them out, wondering who's in love and who's simply there for the football. I like wondering if someone with a wounded expression is heartbroken. It's interesting.

Poppy was standing beside this really tall guy who was chewing toffee popcorn and was dressed in black velvet from his head to his Converse-footed toes. He smiled at me and pointed.

"Hey, I know you! You're in Poppy's counselling group, right?" He shouted to me over the noise because the quarterback had just scored a touchdown.

I nodded, smiling shyly. He turned to Poppy. "Pop, it's the girl in your counselling group."

Poppy, who'd been bent over the bar to watch the game, turned her head. She was chewing blue gum, and I could see the blue on her lips. Her short pink and green hair had been sculpted into a mohawk and the top of it billowed in the wind. She was dressed in her blazer with badges on it, but there was an ACDC t-shirt under it. I felt stupid with my humble denim skirt and a plain blue t-shirt. Her black jeans were artistically ripped, and I could see her knee. She saw me and smiled. Poppy has big green eyes and a skinny frame. When she smiled at me, I felt like something gooey inside me was melting.

"Hey Quinn," She smiled, showing her teeth, which were tinged with blue.

Her friend the black-velvet one, beckoned to me to come over, and I did and slid in between the two of them.

"What's your name?" He asked.

"Quinn," Poppy answered. "Didn't you hear me say her name, Adrian, you fag?" She teased.

"Oh, shut up, dyke." Adrian replied back, laughing.

"So- so you guys are gay?" I asked. Immediately after saying that I wanted someone to kick me with a fucking chair and put me into a fucking coma so I wouldn't remember what I'd said.

Poppy and Adrian looked at each other before laughing at me.

"What?" I asked.

"DUH!" They chorused.

"Do you think you'd see a straight person wear such dykey clothes?" Adrian giggled, gesturing to Poppy. Poppy pretended to throw him over the bar. I laughed.

"So what d'ya like?" Adrian asked.

"Books, music, and more books." Poppy answered for me. She'd remembered when Miss Ortese had asked everyone in the Counselling Group what we liked.

"Shut up, dyke," Adrian said, but his voice was playful. "Let Quinn speak for herself." But Poppy had said everything.

"She's right," I smiled weakly.

"Well, what's your favourite book?" Adrian asked.

"Um, probably The Perks Of Being A Wallflower."

"I love that book," Poppy admitted. "I knew I was a lesbo when I had a crush on Sam."

I had too but I didn't want to sound like a copycat so I didn't say anything.

"I knew I was gay when I read A Separate Peace." Adrian told me. "To me, it was as gay as you could get."

They turned to me then, and asked who my first book-crush had been. I said the name of some boy in a book with a title I couldn't remember.

"So you're straight," Adrian commented. "Well, you better stay clear of Poppy- she turns everyone gay."

"Shut up, fag," Poppy laughed, and mimed pushing him off the bar. She smiled at me, and I smiled back, suddenly not feeling shy anymore.

"How old are you, Quinn?" Adrian enquired.

"Fourteen, but I'll be fifteen in October. You?"

"I'm seventeen but Poppy's sixteen. Hey, this shit is boring. How about we go to Dizzy Mae's?"

Dizzy Mae's is this cafe that often has open mike nights. Dizzy Mae herself is a punk. She's Poppy's girlfriend, which I know because when we got there Poppy and her kissed. Dizzy Mae has curly blue hair, a nose ring, and lots of rings on her fingers. She's very pretty and very kind, but I just don't like her. It just makes me feel sad when she kisses Poppy. Dizzy Mae had to serve people so it was just me, Poppy and Adrian for the rest of the night. We talked about everything. I've never really had many friends, but I definitely count Poppy and Adrian as my friends now.


	4. Chapter 4

September 7th, 1991

Dear Friend,

School was better this time. At the Counselling Group, while Abraham Doltz was crying, me and Poppy were talking about some band called U2. She was telling me about one of their songs, "One". She says it's really good, and she looked like she meant it because she was getting pretty excited when she was talking.

I love it when Poppy gets excited. Her eyes get all big and she talks real fast. She looks at me and puts her face close to mine. Once, I looked at her lips while she was talking. Poppy can't wear lipstick in school, so her lips were natural and pink. Her face was so close that I wondered about kissing her. I am trying very hard not to like Poppy any more because she clearly loves Dizzy Mae and Dizzy Mae clearly loves her and if I say that I do like her I'll ruin everything.

Music was good. Mr Goudy says I'm getting better at the guitar, so good that maybe if I try hard enough I can keep one of the school guitars to practice with over the holidays. Yay me!

I sat beside Poppy at lunch. Dizzy Mae was beside her. Dizzy Mae's eighteen and is going to college next year. She's really nice to me, but she didn't look too happy when Poppy and Adrian invited me over to Poppy's house. She didn't say anything, but she didn't look happy. I called Mom to say that I was going over to Poppy's house, and she said that it was OK, but I couldn't eat anything at Poppy's because she had dinner made. I said that was fine. The only thing I didn't realize was that when I said yes to going to Poppy's, Poppy and Adrian, got up, as did I, and started walking out of the cafeteria and walked straight out the school door. I hadn't realized we were going to Poppy's house _now_.

We weren't. We went to King's coffee, which is more of a takeout, so we couldn't have our coffee. We ordered coffee and drank it behind the dustbins. I had cookies while Poppy and Adrian smoked. Adrian wanted more coffee, so he went back into King's, and it was just me and Poppy. Poppy looked at me. I looked at Poppy.

"You know, Quinn, you're very pretty." Poppy said.

I didn't know what to say so I said. "Thanks."

"Whenever I tell Mae that, she always rolls her eyes. At least you admit it. At least you admit you're beautiful."

"Hmm."

"You know, Quinn, sometimes I wish Mae wasn't my girlfriend. I mean, she's never accepted me, I think. You know I used to cut, right? Well, it used not be everywhere. When I first got together with Mae, I only cut on my back. And then one time when my parents were away and Mae was with me and Mae saw me in the shower and saw the cuts, she freaked out. She wasn't even tactful about it. She was like "What the fuck, Poppy?" And I knew the game was up and I tried to explain that it just felt _good_ to _bleed_, to let the pain flow organically, and that I'd been trying not to cut, but she didn't listen and said I needed help. We nearly broke up then, but I apologized. I don't even know if it was my fault when I think back. What do you think?"

I sort of thought Dizzy Mae was kind of bitchy because of that but if I said anything Mae and Poppy wouldn't be happy anymore and I wanted Poppy to be happy, so I said. "Hmm."

"You know, Quinn, sometimes I wish you were my girlfriend. Damn your straightness!" She teased. "You'd be so perfect." She whispered. Adrian came back, so I didn't get to reply, but I knew that I so, so wanted to kiss Poppy right then.


End file.
